Finding out I was expecting twins again...

Wednesday, August 23, 2017

Finding out I was pregnant was an incredible and thrilling moment filled with overwhelming joy, just as each my pregnancies have been. This is my 5th pregnancy, Jack Henry and Hadley were my first pregnancy, I had a miscarriage when they were 20 months, Walker was my third pregnancy and first rainbow baby, and then when he was 18 months I had my fourth pregnancy and lost that one too, so this was my 5th pregnancy and was no less exciting than any of the others. It took us exactly a year to get a successful pregnancy each time we have tried, so they are always so welcomed, prayed for and celebrated. 
This was my fourth month on medication (lowest dose of Femara) and it was the same meds I took to get my Walkie, so with a less than 2% chance of twins, twins truly were not on my radar. I remember it was a Saturday night at I could test in the morning so I tried to get a good night sleep but of course I woke up around 3am needing to pee and felt like a kid on Christmas Eve. I tried to ignore the urge and go back to sleep because I knew if I went to the restroom in the middle of the night, then in the morning my urine wouldn't be as concentrated and not as ideal for early pregnancy testing. So of course, I tested... At 3 a crazy person. As I waited for the result, I closed my eyes and began to pray, just talking very openly with Jesus. Lord, this is the desire of my heart, and I know you know that, but God you are GOOD if its negative just as you are GOOD if its positive. I kind of just kept repeating this over and over and my heart felt like it was beating out of my chest. After a couple minutes had passed, I looked down and immediately saw to dark and pink lines. POSITIVE!!!! I began to cry and rejoice and PRAISE him. Luke had a crazy morning planned at church, having his first interest meeting for our church's new campus so as BADLY as I wanted to wake him and tell him, I let him sleep. I stayed on my phone for about an hour, figuring out my due date and downloading pregnancy apps and just kept praising God for this perfect gift! That morning when Luke was up, I didn't plan anything special, I just walked up to him in our bathroom and showed him the test. He of course was thrilled and we hugged and thanked Jesus for this perfect gift and we prayed for protection. 

I kind of thought the lies were very DARK for such an early test and a week or so later I had bloodwork done to check my progesterone and my HCG levels, and I noticed my levels had almost tripled, instead of the normal doubling, but I know lots of high level pregnancies that were just a really healthy singleton, so again, my brain thought, high levels and dark lines? Could it be twins? NO WAY! I didn't even give it a second thought. 

At 6 weeks and 0 days, the nausea hit FULL FORCE and I didn't get a break for months. You are supposed to have worse nausea with twins, but again, I was never nausas with my first twins, so I didn't think anything of it. I was starting to feel blue, feeling SO sick and SO exhausted, I felt like I could barely mother my kids, so when my sister in law called me and told me that her middle child, Hayes, age 11 told his other aunt, that his aunt Kathleen was pregnant with twins, I laughed and thought it was a cute story. I said something like "ha ha ha, well we will see next week on my ultrasound, but I HIGHLY doubt he is right" She then told me that she and her sister in law both received it as prophetic and from the Lord and that I needed to be preparing my heart. I then began to panic and spent the next 5 days leading up to the ultrasound, on the verge of tears, fearful and panicked! I went to church that Sunday and was so so scared, barely able to get my kids ready for church, we got on the shuttle to church where Jack Henry was having a meltdown on the bus and I was SOOOOO nauseas just thinking HOW WOULD I HANDLE TWINS ON TOP OF THIS!!!! I got to church and told a few friends what my sister in law had heard, and I began to cry right there in church. People probably thought I was nuts. I told my friend Kayla and she advised I brought an adult to the ultrasound as Luke was going to be out of town for the appointment.  This was  great advice and I asked a dear friend and elder's wife who is a nurse and works at a pregnancy crisis center to come with me lol, I knew she handle good news, bad news or twin news. I told my community group girls who all assured me it wasn't going to be twins and if it was, I would be just fine. 

Fast forward to the appointment, with my friend Sandra and all three kids in the exam room, we looked up at the sonogram machine and I INSTANTLY saw TWO sweet babies. I began to laugh and asked my doctor, "there's two isn't there?" He got a huge grin on his face and said there sure were! He also told me that in his 25 years of practice I was the second woman he has had to have 2 sets of twins. We heard the amazing heart beats and I immediately called Luke and my mom and family to tell them this CRAZY and exciting news.

The next couple weeks were weeks of processing. I completely broke down with my friend Heidi at church when my husband was preaching and said "what do you need to let go of? Come up front and we have people to pray with you." I was a blubbering mess! I needed to let go of FEAR. Crippling FEAR. I saw Heidi up front and I knew I needed to get to her but was too embarrassed with all my tears to go in front of people so as soon as church ended, I found her and we went backstage and she heard my heart, and loved on me and prayed with me. She has been such an encouragement texting here and there through out my pregnancy.

I had SO many thought in my head.
HOW would I do this?
ONE more, no big deal, TWO more... OH MY GOODNESS HOW?!
HOW am I going to go through another twin pregnancy taking care of three others?
Im going to have FIVE KIDS 5 AND UNDER!!!
Im going to be THIRTY with FIVE KIDS! Hey, I kinda loved that actually. Young empty nesters!!!

The very next week, I had told hardly ANYONE and my friend Amanda who makes my favorite earrings, check them out at The trend shop, texted me and told me she had a DREAM I was pregnant with twins!!! She didn't even know I was pregnant!

It was an INCREDIBLE feeling to know the Lord was reaching my loved ones to encourage me that these babies are part of his perfect plan!

God has truly been so good giving me PEACE and JOY. And while this may not have been a part of my plan, I would have loved to enjoy my babies one at a time, I know its a part of HIS plan, and I wouldn't have it any other way. Knowing how special the experience of twins were, make me excited to do it again. It also makes me treasure Walker, my "rare" single baby lol.

God is SO good. He has always known my heart for a large family and I'm having 5 kids with only 3 c-sections. Most doctors don't like you to have more than three sections, so this is an incredible way of achieving our dream of a larger family. I also think part of me might have wimped out at 4 lol. This is His funny way of saying, you aren't done yet. 

We are THRILLED to be welcoming these two babies into our family and trust he will carry us through all the crazy times which I know are coming. But we wouldn't have it any other way. 

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