I am sorry for my lack of posting these days. I have come to realize there are certain seasons of my life that are more blog-able and certain seasons that just aren't. I created this blog in hopes of a baby and God swept me off my feet when he blessed be twice over. Ya'll have been beyond precious in sharing in my joy and journey to their birth. In addition to my pregnancy, this has been a place for overwhelming large amounts of baby pictures as well as some recipes and home decor when I can manage.
Our house is coming along but oh so slowly. If I had a bigger budget I could move faster but I realize staying at home with my sweet peas might slow down my house projects but is SO VERY worth it. Isn't it amazing that we can never be content in our material world? While I am tackling projects left and right, I still don't have one room 100% complete. As soon as rooms becoming complete I will take you on a little house tour :)
My prayer for this blog from the start was to be a place of encouragement. The Lord has blessed me beyond my wildest dreams through ya'll's relations in this blog. I have had countless readers all over the world who struggle with infertility reach out to me on here and my greatest joy has been to be able to relate to women who are hurting in this area.
I always want to be transparent with ya'll so that God can use me to relate to you in any way. You read about my battle with PCOS and my miscarriage and now I just have to be honest with you that trying for baby number three is beginning to become emotionally difficult. With out going into too much detail about trying for baby three (that is a whole lot of info, enough for a post in itself on a different day) we have been not preventing pregnancy since a year ago today. It was the day after the twins first birthday that we decided we would "just see what would happen" and it has been since January of 2014 that we have been trying with medical help. I am currently in the process of round 4 this year in hopes of another baby. Again, I will give details of our journey later, details that are actually encouraging, but today I just feel weary.
I feel weary that it has already taken longer this time around than it did the first time around. I feel so encouraged that I am able to carry a full term pregnancy but for some reason I thought it would be easier once I was able to already have a pregnancy under my belt. Friends, it so hard when you struggle with infertility. There are so many things that I feel right now that make me feel guilty. Things that only someone who struggle with this could understand. If I said them all out loud it would just sound like a selfish pity party.
I could go on and on about the goodness of God to me, through this. He has blessed me unimaginably, and I would not change one thing about my road to conceiving the twins. That is why, why it is hard to see now, I know that once I finally do become pregnant again, I will appreciate all the Lord has revealed to me through this specific journey.
But today, my heart is overwhelmed. It is sad. And it is longing for the desires the Lord has placed on my heart, to have more children. I am sad that I have PCOS and sad that I have to take meds and try so so hard to achieve something that to some women is so very easy. But what gives me joy than anything is to know that He is enough. He is enough. If all that I have is hope in Christ, its all I need. If I look at what I already have on top of all that, my mind is simply blown with His goodness.
When my heart is overwhelmed like it is today, I can come to Him for rest. And that friends, is a beautiful thing. Jesus, I CAN'T do this on my own. Lord, I need your help. Settle and quiet my heart and let me rest in you.
I know many of you are going through trials WAY more than this. There is so much on my heart with what is going on over in the middle east and I know this post could seem trivial
to some of you in comparison, so my hope is that I did not offend. I am thankful for a God who hears our cries no matter how big or small.
How many of you sweet friends have days when you need to just rest in Him? Sweet sisters who are reading this right now, and are longing for a sweet baby, He can give you rest.
I'm sure I will wake up tomorrow, sunny and ready to tackle this baby making journey but for now, I need rest.
I'm sorry for my quietness here on the blog. Just know I am sorting a lot in my heart right now and I will be back it again soon!
Love you friends and thanks for hearing me out :)
"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest." Matthew 11:28